Whew!

Called the doctor today and found out I do NOT carry the gene mutation. Whew, thank you, God. Set surgery. Whew. It's a month away, grumble. It's at a bad time, right before DS's summer camp. Told hubby he may have to make the drive instead of me, depending on what happens with my surgery.

Did not get a morning workout in, so will have to do it tonight. I bought some new Christi Taylor DVDs so the toughest thing will be deciding which to do.

Scale is being nice. =D Just hope it continues. lol

Egg night for supper. We all have eggs of our choice, and mine always includes half eggs and half egg beaters. Yum, cheap, and satisfying.

Thinking I'm going to shut down my fitness journal/blog. It takes time, albeit not that much, but I already journal my workouts so I'm just trying to streamline life a bit. Will probably do that this weekend.

Another month of waiting. I didn't get my morning workout in because I was hurting. I am so tired of this, but I've endured it for several months, I can make it one more month. I pray hard that the doctor finds whatever it is giving me problems and is able to correct it.

Finally I feel like things are moving forward. A date set, good news, and renewed hope.

What happened? I don't get it!

So last night I did an all-time favorite workout, The Firm's Cardio Step Mix. This was the first workout that I burned over 500 calories with. Last night? I burned 346. The workout didn't feel difficult to me--I mean it's not easy, but I didn't have an "oh-my-God, can I make it?" feeling through at all. In fact, last night I thought, "Wow, at the end already?"

Okay, so this morning I just did The Firm's Express Cardio. This is a 30-minute workout that usually produces a high calorie burn--always over 200. Calorie burn this morning? 131.

So what happened? Did I go to bed one night and the next morning wake up twice as fit as I was before? Am I going to have to work that much harder for a decent calorie burn from now on? Am I going to have to forgo my favorite workouts (Firms) while in the weight-loss process so I can get the calorie burns I need?

I mean this is a good thing--fitness improving. Actually, it's great. That's what I want. But I'm SHOCKED. My heartrate last night and this morning did not raise as high as when I do, say, my new Christi Taylor workout. I had a hard time getting my heart rate up.

I'm in disbelief. I'm going to have to sit down and study my videos, figure out how I can get a better calorie burn and come up with a game plan. (I'm not a runner, have no desire to run, so that's just not an option.)

So it's great, but it sucks, too, because I'm a creature of habit and want what I want when I want it, and that's just not going to work now.

The Absent Blogger

I guess I haven't blogged in awhile. Hmm. I'm usually vey loquatious.

Got a letter in the mail today from my insurance. I was approved for the genetic testing. (I think it's around $3,000.) The letter was dated May 3, so I'm wondering if they're just holding the blood to test until they receive word. If they are, they take two weeks...which means they'll probably start Monday and then it will be the end of the month.....

The uncertainty is driving me crazy. I will say it freaked me out reading that I was approved for this testing. I already knew my odds were high enough to be tested, but seeing it in print was weird. Still, the odds of having this mutated gene are not high. So yes, I have risk factors, but...crossing my fingers. Either way, my odds of breast and ovarian cancer just went up quite a bit, even without the genes.

On the weight front, the darned scale is not budging. Well, it goes up and down. Here we go again...hubby and I are noticing changes in my body. I have bones emerging that we haven't seen in years. lol But...that darned scale isn't showing it. Just tease me, so close to onederland. I know my body is changing and that's what counts.

I've decided to ramp up the exercise, pain or no. I was given the okay to work out, and I am learning to modify when I'm hurting. It's been a pretty painful week, but I've found my groove again. I think. Exercising is like taking an instant depression pill. Not that I'm depressed, just anxiously waiting for action, but it just lifts my spirits so much. So I'm planning on doubles.

Have started Cathe's STS again. I'm really enjoying it. It's very similar to P90X but it's Cathe, and, well, I just like it a lot more.

That's about it. It's been darned cold here, we're in a freeze alert, was supposed to snow last night and I don't know if it did or not, but it did frost. The heater has been running all week. What happened to spring?

Think I'll go back into my tunnel-vision, self-centered zone now. That's what happens to me when I get overwhelmed. ;-)

Call Me

Last Friday when they cancelled my surgery, I was told to call this week and see if the results were in. Knowing full well that those results will probably take two weeks, I decided to call today, Wednesday, figuring they wouldn't be in, but following orders. I wish they would just call me--that seems most logical.

So I called. The person I was to speak to wasn't there. They took my name and number and told me they'd call right back. I waited. I waited all day long. I did not work out because I did not want to miss the call. (Who wants to be breathless and winded on the phone?) Now it is evening and hubby is watching TV, and I don't have oomph to work out. So damn it, I missed my workout because I chose to wait for the phone to ring. Sheesh, I sound like a desperate teenager.

Tomorrow I'm going about my day. If I miss the call, I miss it. Whatever. They can leave a message. My day is not going to be messed up again. I figure they just don't have the results. I am not going to call again until next week.

Note to self: Let's just not forget that I'm still in pain here--the doctor said I know you're having pain, but...so true. I agree, this is important, but there is something wrong that is causing me this stupid pain.

I'm getting tired, grumpy and, well, bitchy. I've tried to quit complaining so much. I reminded hubby today that yes, I'm still in pain, have it right now at this very second, but I just don't need to announce it all the time. (When I just wanted to scream go the hell away, pain!)

Tick, tock goes the clock. I'm waiting. Impatiently. However, my time is valuable, too, and by golly, I'm working out tomorrow and not worrying about the phone.

So there. :-p~~~~


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And on a brighter note, I realized I had not put my current weight into Calorie King for awhile and updated that tonight. Wowser, I dropped about 50 calories. I'm already over about 60 for the day. Ouch. Must remember to keep that current!

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And seriously, on a brighter note, I ordered three more Christi Taylor exercise DVDs today. I love Mary at Total Fitness DVD, but Fitnessfly.com had them much cheaper. Plus, I had a code for 10% off, so I got three for the price of the two I was going to order through Mary or elsewhere. (And that's with Mary's 10% off code, which is 10OFF) To get a code for Fitnessfly, just sign up for their newsletter and they give you a code. =)

As if I need any more DVDs...I'm addicted. What a nice thing to have an addiction to! Better than food any day! I just couldn't help it, Christi is so sweet and fun, she even says please during her videos. lol I just find her so delightful.

A Beautiful Sunset

Tonight I watched one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen. The colors in the sky were on fire and glowed so intently that the color inside the house changed. It was breathtaking. I'm not overly religious, don't go to church, but when I see such things it just makes me feel as if God is pouring His love on everything. =) It actually gives me goosebumps, as I find it highly spiritual.

I shall call the doc tomorrow to see if the results of my test are back. I doubt they are, I'm thinking at least two weeks from what I read online.

Feeling lost with my workouts...I'm going again, but I haven't done a strength workout in a long time. I can really see it in my body, too. Discussed this with hubby tonight. I had wanted to start Cathe's STS, and had done the first few workouts. Then I quit. Do I start, knowing I may have to quit for a bit due to surgery? And what kind of surgery will I have? So many unanswered questions. Hubby and I both decided if I have to stop, I'll stop, but it would be best for me to start STS again. I think that's a good decision.

I have fallen head over hills in love with Christi Taylor's Stepsational step aerobics DVD. I love her personality, the music she's chosen, and it's such a fun workout. Never thought I'd say this, but I love her as much as I love my Firms. I ordered two of her DVDs, did the second today, and it was more difficult for me but the music was great. I have a sneaky suspicion I'll be doing Stepsational frequently.

I have been thinking about stress a lot. Life's too short to get worked up over the little things and even some of the big things. I am one that gets worked up easily. The past few days I've been taking imaginary chill pills. Today I offered an imaginary chill pill to my son and he thought I'd lost my mind. I was just trying to be funny as he was stressing out over his math. The levity worked and he relaxed a bit. I am feeling so much better. I was really feeling squeezed by the world. Now my shoulders aren't next to my ears, I keep the big picture in mind, and I'm just chillin'. That's a good thing.

I think back to my mom, who died before the age of 60, and she was a Type A personality, always stressed out, and I just know that was a huge factor in her health.

So life goes on. I'm still kind of in tunnel vision right now, not much to give to others at the moment. When I know where I'm going, I'll be able to re-focus my energies.

Had a stay-the-same this week for weight. It actually goes up and down between 205.5 and 207. Every other day, back and forth. Haven't figured that one out, but I just laugh at it. I was very thrilled that Monday, official weigh-in day, it was at the lower end. I'm not gaining, and I'm completely within plan eating wise, it's just bopping around. That's okay, for now. I'm hoping that it will just say enough of this playing around, and give me a nice drop. 199 is so darned close.

Me, Wyoming, Teenager

This picture was taken in the early 1980s, somewhere literally in the middle of Wyoming. I am a native of Wyoming, born in Laramie, and though I lived in Colorado at the time, I was visiting family. You can't tell, but I am wearing my cowboy boots. I was a wannabe cowgirl--that was completely normal attire to me. I ***want*** those legs back!


I was in my upper teens here. I look at this photo and think...those legs, that butt! Wow. Those were size 28 Levis, 501s. The sad thing is I never knew I had a great body then.






This is me in 1987 at Christmas. I was 22. I was home visiting mom and dad. I think I was in the upper 130s here. I felt f-a-t. I would gladly take that body back, too. I sure wouldn't wear a crop top, though. lol This photo makes me smile because it brings back wonderful memories. I was in love at the time. It pained me to be apart from him at Christmas. All I talked about was him. Well, 23 years later, "him" can be found on my couch at this very moment, sound asleep. lol

Even though my lower half was "chunky," and I always think that when I see this photo, I still like the photo. So 80s, so me.

I was cleaning up a bit and I uncovered this spiral notebook. It was my weight loss journal when I reached the 160s. I had taken a few photos of myself in thinner days and one in my then-fat period and journaled a little, and was trying to inspire myself. I'm glad I came across it because it did inspire me.

Now I'm a 40-something, and bodies change, hips spread, but I just wonder what I will be like when I get where I'm going. I doubt seriously I'll ever have that teen-aged body again, but the 22-year-old body, along with some sagging, hip spread, gray hair, etc., I think may be very possible.

Gives me hope. =)

Surgery Postponed

Monday's surgery has been postponed. The results from the genetic testing did not come back yet. I figured they couldn't get them done that fast.

So I will wait. I hate waiting. I'm not a good waiter. lol Nerves. Well, that and the stupid pain. Was really hoping and ready for some relief from that.

Oh well. I know it's a good thing to wait for--knowledge is power. Rather be proactive.

I think I'll scour the net for recipes. We're getting stuck in a rut food wise, and it's time to spice things up a bit. Food always takes my mind off things. lol