Insomnia. It's 3:30 am, no sleep for me yet.
I've been in and out of bed many times tonight. Hubby gave up and moved to the couch. I can't sleep.
I gave up ambien several months ago. Sometimes this insomnia hits me hard, tonight is one of those nights. It's nights like this when I wish I had not said no thank you to the ambien. Yuck.
My joints ache tonight. It was rainy today. I can't get comfortable without my hips and knees aching. I gave in, had a little food, and took two Ibuprofin. I haven't taken any since I posted about the burning sensation in my stomach. It has gotten better, but it's not gone. I made a cheese sandwich. 2 points. Two pieces of diet bread and 1 piece of cheese. I wanted something that would take up a lot of room in my tummy. Either that, or I've reverted to being 5 again when my parents used to tell me I was going to turn into a cheese sandwich.
I've been thinking about how open I want to be on this blog. I am a very open and frank person. How much is too much? I think the answer is easy. I gain so much from reading other blogs. Little tidbits spark something in my mind and I'm so thankful the blogger shared. So I'll be cautiously open--just as I have been. We're all in this together and if my rambling posts can help someone, even by identifying, then it's a good thing. I know they help me by getting stuff out.
I see my doctor next week for a pre-op and they've given me extra time to discuss the anxiety. I'm going to be very assertive (something that used to be easy) and tell her that other than Xanax to help me through an attack, I don't want medication. I want a referral for two things: a hypnotherapist and a cognitive behavioral therapist. I think I've brought this up before, so sorry for the repeat. I want a hypnotherapist that can make a CD for me, one where I can learn to relax. I want it custom made for me. I have some hypnosis CDs which work about half the time, but I'd rather have it special for me. Call me a diva. Or not. If I can work on my specific issues, that would be great.
I have tried therapy three times before in my life. Twice when I had issues with my first boss--he was not my favorite person. The third time wasn't really personal, it was just to learn better communication skills. It was corny.
I didn't get anything out of therapy. They never gave me ideas, told me healthy choices, or gave direction. The third time was really corny and the things he wanted me to do were so corny and out of character, it was uncomfortable. I did learn to use "I feel" instead of you make me feel from him, though. lol
I look forward to trying the cognitive behavioral therapy. From what I've read about it, it's pro-active, it teaches you, you learn skills to cope. That's what I need. I'm afraid more drugs would just mask the problem. I want to get to the root of it, figure it out, and learn how to be healthy.
Not too long ago I bought The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person. I was amazed as I read that book, which I learned was based on cognitive therapy, that I had already figured that stuff out. Most of it. So I'm a smart cookie, but I can't figure out how to do that with the anxiety. That is a great book, by the way.
That's what I want, that kind of help!
Surgery is a week from Friday. I'm ready to get that done and over and get on with life. It's time.
I'm going to try to sleep again.
Praying for sleep Jo. Praying that you will find what works for you. Blessings--Bonnie
ReplyDeleteInsomnia sucks! I hope you're fast asleep as I write this...
ReplyDeleteYou're right, a lot of people spend years in therapy and make no progress. I'm more pro-active than that!
Do you need to be referred to people like that? It's all a big racket, this referral thing, isn't it?
I hope you got some sleep. I've been reading through some of your posts, and just wanted to encourage you in your journey. I've been there, and know how you feel. Sometimes the process is as much about learning about YOU as it is losing weight. (I lost 150 lbs). Keep up the good work, and I hope you get your referrals.
ReplyDeleteDiane said it best.. It is about educating you on you. My blog has been like therapy for me many many times. Had I held back and not "put it all out there" then I wouldn't have benefitted so.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope you're sleeping.
Blessings
Sean
Jo - I know pills suck, but sometimes they help - like you said, you wish you still had the Ambien...They can be tools that help build a better life.
ReplyDeleteAnd now, a little joke for your summer-time cheer: What do psychiatrists eat for lunch? GUILT cheese sandwich! (instead of GRILLED!)
I hate insomnia. Mine is usually triggered by 1) anxiety 2) too much caffeine before bed
ReplyDeleteHave you tried Melatonin? It's a pretty natural supplement that always knocks me out but I don't have a medication hangover the next day.
Hope everything gets straightened out soon for you. :)
Jo hoping you managed to get some sleep after all :) Sending positive thoughts for you and your up coming surgery :) Keep On Keepin On
ReplyDeleteI have good luck with some natural something called Naturemade. It's a sleep aid at Walgreen's. All natural, non habit-forming. If I've really exercised hard, I'll use a couple of Tylenol PM instead. Good luck... insomnia's a bitch.
ReplyDeleteHave you heard of Lucinda Basset's *attacking axiety*?
ReplyDeleteI purchased all her CD's workbooks etc...and it's all cognitive therapy. It really helped me alot! www.stresscenter.com
Sorry to hear about the insomnia m'lovely. I can't imagine how much that sucks. I frickin' love my ten hours sleep and would have no idea how I'd cope without it!
ReplyDeleteEeep the surgery isn't far away at all. I really hope it solves a few of your problems *hugs*
I have sleep issues as well, so I can identify. I've been trying Melatonin lately and have found that it helps a bit. I prefer using that to the drugs that have been prescribed for my restless leg syndrome.
ReplyDeleteHope you get some relief soon.
I noticed you had commented on my blog awfully early this morning! Sorry you are having insomnia - I was in the same boat as you last night, and funny, I was hungry, too. In fact, I had a Luna bar at 1:00 am - who DOES that??? Me, apparently. Let's hope for a good night's sleep for the both of us tonight!
ReplyDeleteHope you got some sleep Jo! I hear ya on being assertive when you go to the doctor- I try and sometimes Im OK- sometimes I cry lol No wonder they are making me see the psychologist tomorrow. hummm My dr. recommended SAM-E- and it knocks me out and suppose to help my mood :) humm I dunno. :)
ReplyDeleteUgh, I deal with anxiety/panic attacks, too. No medication though...no insurance! :) I wish I had wonderful words of encouragement or wisdom for you, but I don't. I just do the best I can each day. Some days it's pretty good, other days I barely make it through!
ReplyDeleteSide note: My favorite blogs are the ones who share a lot of themselves, not just surface stuff. It's something I don't do a whole lot of on my weight-loss blog but I have on my other one from time to time. It really is therapeutic!
Hope you finally got some sleep!
I get anxiety insomnia too - lavender oil or some other light scent usually helps relax me.
ReplyDeleteGood news about the op being so soon - sure you will cope with all the plans in place.
Hope you got some sleep eventually!
Sorry about your insomnia! I hope you were able to get some sleep. I pray for some peace for your anxiety and your innerself!
ReplyDeleteJo, thanks for all of your comments on my blogs. I like hearing from you.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, PHOONING is that "runners pose" -like in the picture on my sidebar. Something silly. Buffoon.
Have you gotten your zzzzzzz's yet? Hope relief comes soon.
It is just past noon here....I hope you are still sawing logs to make up for being awake so long. Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteRe: Your comment on my blog about sleep apnea:
ReplyDeleteWhen hubby first got the machine he had a face mask (that covered both nose and mouth) and I slept with a couple of times and I *loved* it. However, he hated it and traded it for the kind of mask that only has the two little "pillows" shoved up his nose and I just can't handle that. I tried but the "up your nose with a rubber hose" was too much for me. Maybe I could just buy a mask that I like and after he gets up for work (5:30) I could plug in my mask...now THAT is an idea!
I hate insomnia - hope you got some sleep!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what your surgery is (I'm new here) but good luck!
As for anxiety/meds...I was a therapist before I became a stay at home mom. There is nothing wrong with refusing meds if you want to find other ways to combat anxiety and no one should push you into medicating. IF you find later you need to try something else you always can but it is much easier to start meds than get off of them so use them as a last resort. And I hope Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works out for you. Every one responds differently to different things so the therapists you saw before weren't the ones for you. I was always less of a touchy/feely therapist of more of a pro-active, short term therapist: what can we do to manage/fix the problem so that it doesn't interfere with life?
I’m sorry about the insomnia, Jo. I only get that once in a while, usually when there’s something stressful on my mind. I listen to chanting CDs and it helps relax me. As for hypnotherapy or meditation CDs, you can make them for yourself. I’ve been doing that for years (audiocassettes first, then CDs). I have soothing music playing in the background. The self-made CDs work very well because no one knows you and what you need better than you do. :-) You can find books at the library with self-hypnosis scripts you can tweak to suit your needs. Then you can graduate to writing your own scripts once you get into it more.
ReplyDelete--Susan