Take a Chance, Don't Waste It...
The Time is Today
That was what was printed on our high school Key Club t-shirts. (Key Club is the high school version of Kiwanis.)
I think of that phrase a lot.
I need to take a chance. I've been thinking into the future about 200 pounds and below. I've been thinking about onederland. The last time I got to onderland seven years ago, I freaked. It was very uncomfortable to me--even though I was more comfortable. Like that makes any sense.
It was strange, I drew attention, because lots of people commented on my weight, and I just didn't care to be the center of attention.
It was being uncomfortable, plus stress with my son and his education, that did me in. He was in public school at the time, not doing well, and we had taken him to a gifted educational psychologist in Colorado. It was there we learned he was gifted with learning disabilities, would probably never get a good education in public school just because his brain was wired so differently, and it was then that the decision was made to homeschool. (We are NOT anti-public school at all, my son had some fantastic teachers. In fact, his last PS teacher took me to lunch one weekend and suggested that my son be homeschooled. She recognized his gifts and his limitations and knew he needed a different environment for learning.)
I had remained perfectly on plan that whole trip. I was down 72 pounds. On the way home, we stopped at a gas station. I bought a candy bar. I ate my stress. The rest was histroy. I gained it back plus.
So when I started this journey in February, I kept thinking...I'm doing great now, but what will happen to me when I get below 200. I have been fully expecting a freak-out session, struggles, and being uncomfortable with my body again, even though I'm more comfortable in my body.
I need to stop that thinking NOW. I really think I'm setting myself up for future failure worrying about this and sending myself these negative messages. It's always there, it's always in the back of my mind. "Onderland."
So I need to come up with ideas to replace my stinking thinking. Ideas?
I can focus on health, which has been my focus all along. Right now that's pretty powerful--extremely powerful. Will it be enough when I get to onderland?
I haven't been below 200, aside for the brief period of time seven years ago, for 16 years. I gained and went over 200 after mom died.
At this point I don't know how to think healthfully about onderland--I don't know how to change my negative thought patterns.
I'm working on it, and I need to do it now before I ever get there. I am open to suggestions.
I don't know. Maybe you could think of onederland as an easier place to live. As long as you stay there you have more energy, you deal BETTER with stress, you can move easier and have more fun and will have a fuller, healthier life all around.
ReplyDeleteIf you get unwanted attention, immediately divert it. As soon as someone comments on your weight loss, compliment their shirt. If you need a stress outlet, buy a punching bag instead of a candy bar. (And if you DO buy a candy bar...don't take that as a cue to stop everything! Start over again as soon as that wrapper hits the floor!)
You NEVER have to go back to where you were. YOU ARE IN CONTROL. The fear of being out of control is NOT the same as actually being out of control. It's an illusion.
Not sure if this addresses the issues that plague you, but it's all I've got...sorry! :)
on the stinking thinking... im with you. i dont know what to suggest! i have this problem too. i think the last time i was below 200 i was a kidlet. tooooo long. i will mull it over.
ReplyDelete:P from your cute as a button friend.
I don't know what to do about onederland, last time I got close to it I regained 40 lbs! I would love to know what advice folks have!
ReplyDeleteI like Missy's reply - I too am a bit scared of "losing it", a couple of people have said some things and inside I feel all panicky,like I could tip the other way at any moment.
ReplyDeleteBut the health benefits really have been massive and they have more of an impact as you get older, believe me. So that really is a great incentive.
Anyhoo, this time it will be different!
I have been deep in onederland and know just what you are talking about. One of my issues was that I felt very vulnerable, small and weak. I remember standing on a sidewalk in Vegas and some man walked by quickly. He bumped me a little, just grazed me really and I went flying into the street. I thought about my physical insignificance for like a week.
ReplyDeleteAnd the attention... woah. Unlike you, I loved that. It was (is?) like a drug to me. It brought me into an altered state.
I am formulating a plan that will carry me through these feelings when I get back into onderland. All I know for sure is that I will remember to be thankful on a daily basis. I'm hoping that an attitude of gratitude will be a good buoy.
Perhaps you're more prepared now for the emotions and wonderment of onederland. There certainly are psychological issues at play when you lose a dramatic amount of weight. I'm dealing with those on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteI've done exactly what you described with the candy bar. With me it would be a pint of ice cream. One pint---and bam---it was over. Was I afraid of success---scared of the changes? It's certainly something that must be addresses inside each and every one of us.
We want to be free forever...I wish I knew why it must be so difficult sometimes.
My best always
Sean
This is so funny, cause when my new doc told me he wants me to get to 175, he asked me if I ever remember being there.
ReplyDeleteI said yeah, when I was 26, ironically, after I lost 70 pounds (I just lost 70 and am at 299). He said good, because most have either never been thinner or can;t remember it and when they get there, they have a heard time mentally with it, so at least I was a little ahead of the game.
Maybe you should discuss this with your doctor, if he/she has been helping for following your weight loss.
Maybe they would have some practical advice to help, particularly if they have seen in before like mine obviously has.
I remember going from the 300's to the 200's, and feeling excited. And when I hit 199, that was a huge deal.
ReplyDeleteMy advice, for what it's worth, is to see the 100's as the beginning of your journey. It's where you can move on with your life in a healthier, more positive direction.
Remember, the goal of weight loss isn't just to get to the number on the scale, but rather to enjoy our life more fully once we get there.
It's been 12 years since I lost the 150 pounds - life is really easier, and sweeter now.
Don't be afraid - you can do it, and sustain it!
Yea, the whole number thing is a mind game. I'm really trying hard not to let it affect how I continue my journey. I'm trying to think of where I want to be health wise like you said rather than a number. I'm sure when you get to the 100's you'll be ready, you're doing a great job working through the mind stuff now.
ReplyDeletehumm, its never really occured to me that this could be a problem. i guess the only advice i can think of is to not think about it - which is stupid advice, i know. but i guess my point is that you're attaching significance to onderland when really it's just a number, right? 199. 201. just a mental barrier. maybe you should switch to weighing yourself in kilos, so that you have a totally different number set for a while.
ReplyDeletehttp://roaring30.blogspot.com/
I love to read your blog. It's very insightful! And Thanks for the nice comments on mine! They are much appreciated!
ReplyDeletehehe you said "illusion" - which, of course, it is!
ReplyDelete:D
Too much thinking...my biggest weakness too. I can't think of any good advice, except perhaps just to continue to set small goals that take you past that big milestone.
ReplyDeleteI understand this post too well.
I can totally relate to the complements issue. My coworker's wife lost 60 lbs shortly before I started my journey. She looks wonderful, but I haven't complemented her because it makes me uncomfortable to be complemented. Does that make sense? Also, he makes such a big deal out of it that it really bugs me. He commented to me one day about my weight loss and how good I was looking which freaked me out. Then he went on to talk about how proud he was of his wife and that he loved her before, but now, "Wow!" That really gave felt strange, like he loves her more now that she is thinner.
ReplyDeleteI have also been freaking out, because I'm about to hit 275 which is my lowest point since childhood. I just keep reminding myself that #1 I can do this and #2 I'm doing this for me and not for what other people think about it.
Good luck! I can't wait to see your onederland photos!
I don't enjoy being the center of attention either, and the last time I dropped a bunch of weight I was really uncomfortable by people always having to ask me about it, and then they would delve into all the personal question like how much, how did you do it etc. Ugh. I think I'm prepared for it this time though.
ReplyDeleteAnd as a complete side issue, if you are ever up for a private on-line chat with regards to homeschooling I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on that. We're homeschooling my son for essentially the same reason you are, gifted with learning disability. It's amazing how stressful it can be!
Maybe when you get to 200 you should just throw away your scale. Your clothes may keep getting looser, but you'll be 200 forever. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI just have to say ditto to all the other comments.
ReplyDeleteAfter spending half of my life invisible behind a wall of fat it is difficult to be seen again. It is almost painful at times to get the compliments.
I'm also learning how to be comfortable in this constantly changing and decreasing sized body of mine. Over time it is getting a little bit easier. I haven't been in onederland for so long I've forgotten how it feels. I can't wait to find out though!