Frustrations and Some Good, Too

Woke up to a lot of pain today. It was bad and I couldn't work out. The good? It eased greatly after dinner.

School went well, DS did fantastic on his math and scored 97% on his grammar test. I had to lie down in the afternoon and he plugged away and stayed on task--he's a good kid. Dependable, trustworthy.

I got the checkbook balanced and the bills paid. The bad? I bought Rosetta Stone German, more fish oil, new glasses (thank you Zenni Optical, less than $50) because my old pair broke, and, ahem, don't read this darling husband, but two new exercise videos that I simply had to have. Cha-ching.

Good and bad:
I got my lipid panel from the doctor.

The bad news: My HDL only went up 2 points and is still way too low.

The good: My triglycerides went from 403 June 1st to 278. The bad: They're still way too high and I have to continue medication. Overall cholesterol is good, LDL is in normal range, but that HDL is dangerously low.

I find it frustrating that exercise is supposed to "significantly" raise your HDL. My significant is 2 points. That's better than 0, but not good enough. It made me look through my food diary and I zeroed in on something that I have noticed before: I am not getting enough fat in my diet. Today I only had 18%. That's just too low. So I need to incorporate some Promise, some olive oil, and some peanut butter and perhaps almonds. I need to juggle my calories around to do this. I also need to up my protein a bit and lower my carbs a bit. Perhaps this will help.

It is frustrating because after almost a year, 65 pounds gone, exercising fairly regularly, the numbers haven't improved more. I'll give it my all, do more research, and continue my fish oil and medication.

I was hoping for better. I have a lot of work to do still.

On a bright note, I was 2 points away from being diagnosed with diabetes on the test previous to June 1st. My blood sugar is completely normal now. I also test it at home once a month as I bought my own meter. My blood pressure was borderline high, and it, too, is completely normal. My resting pulse has gone down as well. So I am making some improvements.

~~~~~

The moral of this story: While we're on a weight-loss journey, we look to the outside to see improvements and meet our goals. Are we getting skinnier? Are we losing fat? It's the stuff you can't see, like lipids, marbeling of fat in the muscles, bone loss, blood sugar issues that is even more important than looks. Good health is precious. There are no guarantees in life, but we should strive to be in the best health we can be in. So it's important to check in with the doctor regularly and watch those improvements, discuss what can be done when they're not going where we want them to.

I have lots of research to do. My parents both had heart disease. Both parents had a heart attack in front of me. Actually, both died in front of me, were brought back by paramedics, and then died later. That is nothing anyone should witness--it's something no one would ever want to happen to themselves. I do not want to do that to my son. My mom was 59 when she died. Dad was in his 80s, but it was still as traumatic.

So while smaller clothes and looking better are all still important, it doesn't hold a stick to health and what's going on inside our bodies that we can't see.

This isn't an easy journey at all. Takes perserverance and hard work. It gets frustrating at times. But, to continue working hard is of critical importance.

Today, I could have tried to work out. My pain was really bad, I was sitting with a heating pad. I could have taken Ibuprofen, and I could have attempted to work out. I chose not to. That was the wrong choice. I should have tried something. I could have done an upper body workout, but I didn't.

Tomorrow I'll do better. I simply must. I'm still not healthy. I'm still at great risk for stroke and/or heart attack. It pains me to say that, but the numbers do not lie.

Must keep going and give it 110%.