I tried. Oh, how I tried. I wanted another gym bag to keep in my car for when I work out at school, an hour from where I live. My bag doesn't fit in the locker very well. So I thought a backpack would work better--and I still think that. However, I found one on clearance and DH agreed to buy it. $22. Well, it's too small. My stuff, including a workout outfit, shoes, towel, heart rate monitor, arm band, and my workout log just barely fit. Barely. I didn't get the toiletries in there. Yet. That thing is stuffed.
He won't be happy, so I'll just keep it to myself. Maybe the back to school sales will have a deal? Or not, backpacks are expensive. So are gym bags.
And so it goes. All ready to hit the gym tomorrow and have my friend force me to do flutter kicks, push ups, planks and crunches. Those are my favorite things! (NOT!!!)
Another thing I'd really like to do is hit my chain gym in that town. They have a step mill and I still haven't tried that. The weight room at school is very cool but full of young studly guys, and my friend doesn't want to do weights. I think I just need to walk through it, maybe with my video camera going, and map out what's there and try it someday.
I like working out. It gives me a high unlike everything else. I like the school because the bike saddles are very comfortable. My gym's saddles hurt my tail bone. With my wonky feet, biking is all that I do. I need to become friends with the Concept2 Rower. Someday. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Right now the most important thing is consistency, getting in my groove, and doing. I need to add kettlebells back in, and push harder with the weight training--but one step at a time.
Every day, getting stronger and better. It will all come together!
5.26.2014
Thank You and Good News
Thank you all for the lovely, supportive comments. I've been forcing myself to blog, just to get in the habit, I guess. I've always said if you surround yourself with that which you would like to become, you will. And I have been hanging with wonderful people, but those people do not have the same health/fitness goals that I do. So I need balance, I need to be around the amazing people that are on the same quest. I am humbled that you all remember me and are taking the time to comment. It is greatly appreciated.
Now the good news, I'm down two pounds!!!
And I fully expect to be down again next week. Gee, that's the only time it's good to be "down." LOL
I guess for the next couple weeks the best goal for me to have is get into good habits and routines. Prioritize my life, put myself first even though I have school--my health is most important.
It's all good.
Crush it!!!
Now the good news, I'm down two pounds!!!
And I fully expect to be down again next week. Gee, that's the only time it's good to be "down." LOL
I guess for the next couple weeks the best goal for me to have is get into good habits and routines. Prioritize my life, put myself first even though I have school--my health is most important.
It's all good.
Crush it!!!
5.25.2014
May 24, 2014
Today was better. No workout, but we weren't home most the day. My son wanted to try Chipotle, so we all drove to the big city and had some (900 calories of burrito heaven that sufficed as lunch and dinner!!!), we walked until I about dropped.
Hubby bought me a new pair of shoes. He walked by and said, "Those are you." And they are, I'm very patriotic, and it's red, white and blue--stars and stripes. These are my new gym shoes. Since I don't treadmill or do any cardio on my feet, these will work just fine. I do love them!
I have a date with myself for the gym tomorrow, my goals set for the day, and I even ran to the good grocery store before it closed tonight to buy my protein for the week. They are closed on Sundays and they'll be closed this Monday, too. So I planned ahead for that. Tomorrow is training day, homework and food prep.
Hubby bought me a new pair of shoes. He walked by and said, "Those are you." And they are, I'm very patriotic, and it's red, white and blue--stars and stripes. These are my new gym shoes. Since I don't treadmill or do any cardio on my feet, these will work just fine. I do love them!
I got to thinking about friendships today as we were driving back. Twice this week I've reached out to good friends to share my woes and ask for advice. Twice I've been let down with not only their responses, but the way they responded. I am usually the type to stay quiet, not complaining too much to *most* (not all) people and I've found when I need help, they don't like it. I find it amazing, because they can complain about something as minor as a hang nail as if it's the end of the world. Yet something so troubling to me, I'm not only blown off, but told to get a hold of myself--or worse.
One of the friendships, I decided was important enough to talk it through--and we did. The other? I just decided to let it go, back off. I care, I always will, but at this stage in life, I need to care about me more. If I ask for help and get yelled at, that's just not a good thing. I wouldn't do that to a friend, ever. And so it goes.
This morning before we left, I spent a couple hours de-stressing, watching You Tube fitness videos and reading my weight lifting books. My stress melted away. Getting out of the house helped a lot, too. I think I have a fresh, new perspective and am ready to face things head on.
I have a date with myself for the gym tomorrow, my goals set for the day, and I even ran to the good grocery store before it closed tonight to buy my protein for the week. They are closed on Sundays and they'll be closed this Monday, too. So I planned ahead for that. Tomorrow is training day, homework and food prep.
It's all good.
Never, ever give up.
5.23.2014
Today?
Epic fail.
That's all I got.
Weekends are not good for me, highly stressful. Will give it all I got to get through it.
Lots of pain in legs and feet. I'm so tired of it, not willing to accept it, but I need to. It has not gotten better, only worse. Two years now. It is what it is.
Onward and upward.
That's all I got.
Weekends are not good for me, highly stressful. Will give it all I got to get through it.
Lots of pain in legs and feet. I'm so tired of it, not willing to accept it, but I need to. It has not gotten better, only worse. Two years now. It is what it is.
Onward and upward.
5.22.2014
A Better Day
.
Today was better. That's good.
I met my friend at the school gym. I actually got there before he did, and I hopped on the bike. I put in 35 minutes on the bike, rode just shy of 9 miles, had an excellent calorie burn. Then the drill sergeant made me do planks, crunches, push-ups, and flutter kicks.
Flutter kicks will be the death of me.
I muttered profanity a few times, then went beyond muttering to just outright blurting it out. =)
I also kept saying this: I will get better.
Tonight I went for a half hour walk. I logged just shy of 15,000 steps. Had a great calorie burn for the day.
Food was interesting. I had 360 calories for breakfast and didn't eat until after 3. I went to Chipotle, and figured my meal was 900 calories. That's a lot. However, it was so filling that I didn't eat dinner. I did eat a snack and came in at 1460 calories for the day.
Attitude was better, although not perfect. I'm not perfect nor do I have to be.
Two steps forward!
Today was better. That's good.
I met my friend at the school gym. I actually got there before he did, and I hopped on the bike. I put in 35 minutes on the bike, rode just shy of 9 miles, had an excellent calorie burn. Then the drill sergeant made me do planks, crunches, push-ups, and flutter kicks.
Flutter kicks will be the death of me.
I muttered profanity a few times, then went beyond muttering to just outright blurting it out. =)
I also kept saying this: I will get better.
Tonight I went for a half hour walk. I logged just shy of 15,000 steps. Had a great calorie burn for the day.
Food was interesting. I had 360 calories for breakfast and didn't eat until after 3. I went to Chipotle, and figured my meal was 900 calories. That's a lot. However, it was so filling that I didn't eat dinner. I did eat a snack and came in at 1460 calories for the day.
Attitude was better, although not perfect. I'm not perfect nor do I have to be.
Two steps forward!
5.21.2014
So today, Wednesday, was a day of depression. I stayed in bed most of the day. Zero energy, extremely negative thoughts that I couldn't shake. I was so excited for my internship so that I could be in an office around people only to learn I don't go to the office, I do all my work on my own. I even bought new shirts. Frankly, I was devastated. I crave being around more people in a setting other than a classroom. I miss working for that very reason.
So tonight I bought yet another book not on depression, but on changing our thinking patterns, reprogramming our brain. It's the negative self-thoughts that are doing me under. I need to do some things:
1. Develop a routine
2. Set some goals
3. Try something new
Other things, that I am already working on.
My something new: I found a class for Buddhist meditation. I just need to get the specific info on how much and when, and do it. I'm not a Buddhist, but I think the principles of meditation would be highly beneficial. I have tons of goals, and I need to make a routine for the days I don't travel.
Sounds easy enough.
And I have to work on those negative thoughts.
One final comment. I have depression. It his highly stigmatized. Here's the deal: You wouldn't make fun of someone with cancer or tell them to pull themselves up by the bootstraps or get over it, so please remember that those who have depression deserve that same respect. It boils down to being a brain chemistry problem. I am fighting hard at curing this, and am well on my way. In reality, you also wouldn't make fun of someone who has obesity or morbid obesity--that is mostly a mental issue as well. So be kind, stop and think before casting judgment.
So tonight I bought yet another book not on depression, but on changing our thinking patterns, reprogramming our brain. It's the negative self-thoughts that are doing me under. I need to do some things:
1. Develop a routine
2. Set some goals
3. Try something new
Other things, that I am already working on.
My something new: I found a class for Buddhist meditation. I just need to get the specific info on how much and when, and do it. I'm not a Buddhist, but I think the principles of meditation would be highly beneficial. I have tons of goals, and I need to make a routine for the days I don't travel.
Sounds easy enough.
And I have to work on those negative thoughts.
One final comment. I have depression. It his highly stigmatized. Here's the deal: You wouldn't make fun of someone with cancer or tell them to pull themselves up by the bootstraps or get over it, so please remember that those who have depression deserve that same respect. It boils down to being a brain chemistry problem. I am fighting hard at curing this, and am well on my way. In reality, you also wouldn't make fun of someone who has obesity or morbid obesity--that is mostly a mental issue as well. So be kind, stop and think before casting judgment.
Fair?
Today I was reminded that life is not fair. It never has been, nor will it ever be. While that's not ideal, it's okay because it is what it is. I had a struggle with something, but talked it out with several friends. In the end, my soul is uncomfortable with what I have to do yet I am going for a piece of paper, and I must jump through the hoops. We chose our battles in life, and this isn't one worth fighting.
What is worth fighting for is health. Today after a stressful morning, a friend and I hit the gym at school. I had been there but never worked out there. The horror of dressing in a dressing room hit. I was the only one in there, until I wasn't. My pants were off, so very exposed, and in she walked. I quickly put on my capris. I was so uncomfortable that I didn't not change into my sports bra, but did put on my big, baggy t-shirt. I don't wear baggy t-shirts to my gym, but felt the need to hide at the school with all the young, beautiful bodies.
I decided to be proactive. I started talking to her. I showed her my feet and joked about my hideous attempt at a spray tan. It is funny, I look like an orange zebra. She laughed, and was very nice. We talked a bit about the gym, working out, and then we both went our way.
It wasn't that bad after all. You just need to get over your own insecurities. People generally are only concerned about themselves, and that's an important lesson to remember. It was a nice encounter.
My friend is in the Armed Forces. He works out differently than I do. I did 20 minutes of cardio, less than what I normally do. I did the bikes, while he ran on the treadmill. We were across the gym from one another. After, he told me something that shocked me. He said it was very noticeable that I was working out much harder than the other women there. My feet were going faster. I was sweating bullets. Not only were my feet going fast, but I had it on a higher setting to make it hard. I had a good heart rate and was sweating bullets.
Then instead of doing weights, we did the Army thing--body weight. My friend is so encouraging and gentle. I did one push up. One. And I didn't go down very far. I used to be able to do 15 on my toes. Today it was one. It's a start. We did planks, I did crunches and he did sit ups, donkey kicks, some yoga poses and called it good. I was shocked at how hard it was to do body weight stuff. It's not my cup of tea, never was. I realized it is imperative that I cross train and add some more in instead of just doing weights.
For a few months this summer, it will work out that we can work out together three times a week! I'm very excited about this. I will still have to do my own stuff at home, because 20 minutes of cardio isn't enough for me--but it felt so good. I'm excited to have a workout partner, something I have always wanted. He's a great kid.
I hit 15,000 steps today. I haven't had that high of a step count in ages.
All said and done, with the ups and downs of the day, it was a great day.
What is worth fighting for is health. Today after a stressful morning, a friend and I hit the gym at school. I had been there but never worked out there. The horror of dressing in a dressing room hit. I was the only one in there, until I wasn't. My pants were off, so very exposed, and in she walked. I quickly put on my capris. I was so uncomfortable that I didn't not change into my sports bra, but did put on my big, baggy t-shirt. I don't wear baggy t-shirts to my gym, but felt the need to hide at the school with all the young, beautiful bodies.
I decided to be proactive. I started talking to her. I showed her my feet and joked about my hideous attempt at a spray tan. It is funny, I look like an orange zebra. She laughed, and was very nice. We talked a bit about the gym, working out, and then we both went our way.
It wasn't that bad after all. You just need to get over your own insecurities. People generally are only concerned about themselves, and that's an important lesson to remember. It was a nice encounter.
My friend is in the Armed Forces. He works out differently than I do. I did 20 minutes of cardio, less than what I normally do. I did the bikes, while he ran on the treadmill. We were across the gym from one another. After, he told me something that shocked me. He said it was very noticeable that I was working out much harder than the other women there. My feet were going faster. I was sweating bullets. Not only were my feet going fast, but I had it on a higher setting to make it hard. I had a good heart rate and was sweating bullets.
Then instead of doing weights, we did the Army thing--body weight. My friend is so encouraging and gentle. I did one push up. One. And I didn't go down very far. I used to be able to do 15 on my toes. Today it was one. It's a start. We did planks, I did crunches and he did sit ups, donkey kicks, some yoga poses and called it good. I was shocked at how hard it was to do body weight stuff. It's not my cup of tea, never was. I realized it is imperative that I cross train and add some more in instead of just doing weights.
For a few months this summer, it will work out that we can work out together three times a week! I'm very excited about this. I will still have to do my own stuff at home, because 20 minutes of cardio isn't enough for me--but it felt so good. I'm excited to have a workout partner, something I have always wanted. He's a great kid.
I hit 15,000 steps today. I haven't had that high of a step count in ages.
All said and done, with the ups and downs of the day, it was a great day.
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