So I'm giving up my lunch meat. It's processed and not good anyway, even though I love it. I grabbed the jar of Jif, weighed out my half portion, 95 calories' worth, and had PB&J for lunch. It was good, nothing I ever crave--well, maybe once every few months. I'm just not a peanut butter person. BUT, it's good for me, so I'll do it. When I get really brave, I'll start eating it with only slice of bread--an open faced sandwich to drop my carbs down a bit. Not yet, though. lol
The thing is, though, I can't eat Jif. It has hydrogenated oil in it. That's a big no-no for everyone, but especially for my lipids. We do not have a health food store in town, so picking from say Wally World and HyVee, are there any good quality peanut butters out there without the hydrogenated stuff in them? I am clueless.
Will also eat more tuna, which will be easy to eat alone or on once slice of bread. Need to pick up almonds, too.
Researching changes to make--not fun, but necessary. Need more protein. Hate yogurt. Get sick of chicken breasts. Ugh. This is going to be a difficult task.
2.05.2010
Frustrations and Some Good, Too
Woke up to a lot of pain today. It was bad and I couldn't work out. The good? It eased greatly after dinner.
School went well, DS did fantastic on his math and scored 97% on his grammar test. I had to lie down in the afternoon and he plugged away and stayed on task--he's a good kid. Dependable, trustworthy.
I got the checkbook balanced and the bills paid. The bad? I bought Rosetta Stone German, more fish oil, new glasses (thank you Zenni Optical, less than $50) because my old pair broke, and, ahem, don't read this darling husband, but two new exercise videos that I simply had to have. Cha-ching.
Good and bad:
I got my lipid panel from the doctor.
The bad news: My HDL only went up 2 points and is still way too low.
The good: My triglycerides went from 403 June 1st to 278. The bad: They're still way too high and I have to continue medication. Overall cholesterol is good, LDL is in normal range, but that HDL is dangerously low.
I find it frustrating that exercise is supposed to "significantly" raise your HDL. My significant is 2 points. That's better than 0, but not good enough. It made me look through my food diary and I zeroed in on something that I have noticed before: I am not getting enough fat in my diet. Today I only had 18%. That's just too low. So I need to incorporate some Promise, some olive oil, and some peanut butter and perhaps almonds. I need to juggle my calories around to do this. I also need to up my protein a bit and lower my carbs a bit. Perhaps this will help.
It is frustrating because after almost a year, 65 pounds gone, exercising fairly regularly, the numbers haven't improved more. I'll give it my all, do more research, and continue my fish oil and medication.
I was hoping for better. I have a lot of work to do still.
On a bright note, I was 2 points away from being diagnosed with diabetes on the test previous to June 1st. My blood sugar is completely normal now. I also test it at home once a month as I bought my own meter. My blood pressure was borderline high, and it, too, is completely normal. My resting pulse has gone down as well. So I am making some improvements.
~~~~~
The moral of this story: While we're on a weight-loss journey, we look to the outside to see improvements and meet our goals. Are we getting skinnier? Are we losing fat? It's the stuff you can't see, like lipids, marbeling of fat in the muscles, bone loss, blood sugar issues that is even more important than looks. Good health is precious. There are no guarantees in life, but we should strive to be in the best health we can be in. So it's important to check in with the doctor regularly and watch those improvements, discuss what can be done when they're not going where we want them to.
I have lots of research to do. My parents both had heart disease. Both parents had a heart attack in front of me. Actually, both died in front of me, were brought back by paramedics, and then died later. That is nothing anyone should witness--it's something no one would ever want to happen to themselves. I do not want to do that to my son. My mom was 59 when she died. Dad was in his 80s, but it was still as traumatic.
So while smaller clothes and looking better are all still important, it doesn't hold a stick to health and what's going on inside our bodies that we can't see.
This isn't an easy journey at all. Takes perserverance and hard work. It gets frustrating at times. But, to continue working hard is of critical importance.
Today, I could have tried to work out. My pain was really bad, I was sitting with a heating pad. I could have taken Ibuprofen, and I could have attempted to work out. I chose not to. That was the wrong choice. I should have tried something. I could have done an upper body workout, but I didn't.
Tomorrow I'll do better. I simply must. I'm still not healthy. I'm still at great risk for stroke and/or heart attack. It pains me to say that, but the numbers do not lie.
Must keep going and give it 110%.
School went well, DS did fantastic on his math and scored 97% on his grammar test. I had to lie down in the afternoon and he plugged away and stayed on task--he's a good kid. Dependable, trustworthy.
I got the checkbook balanced and the bills paid. The bad? I bought Rosetta Stone German, more fish oil, new glasses (thank you Zenni Optical, less than $50) because my old pair broke, and, ahem, don't read this darling husband, but two new exercise videos that I simply had to have. Cha-ching.
Good and bad:
I got my lipid panel from the doctor.
The bad news: My HDL only went up 2 points and is still way too low.
The good: My triglycerides went from 403 June 1st to 278. The bad: They're still way too high and I have to continue medication. Overall cholesterol is good, LDL is in normal range, but that HDL is dangerously low.
I find it frustrating that exercise is supposed to "significantly" raise your HDL. My significant is 2 points. That's better than 0, but not good enough. It made me look through my food diary and I zeroed in on something that I have noticed before: I am not getting enough fat in my diet. Today I only had 18%. That's just too low. So I need to incorporate some Promise, some olive oil, and some peanut butter and perhaps almonds. I need to juggle my calories around to do this. I also need to up my protein a bit and lower my carbs a bit. Perhaps this will help.
It is frustrating because after almost a year, 65 pounds gone, exercising fairly regularly, the numbers haven't improved more. I'll give it my all, do more research, and continue my fish oil and medication.
I was hoping for better. I have a lot of work to do still.
On a bright note, I was 2 points away from being diagnosed with diabetes on the test previous to June 1st. My blood sugar is completely normal now. I also test it at home once a month as I bought my own meter. My blood pressure was borderline high, and it, too, is completely normal. My resting pulse has gone down as well. So I am making some improvements.
~~~~~
The moral of this story: While we're on a weight-loss journey, we look to the outside to see improvements and meet our goals. Are we getting skinnier? Are we losing fat? It's the stuff you can't see, like lipids, marbeling of fat in the muscles, bone loss, blood sugar issues that is even more important than looks. Good health is precious. There are no guarantees in life, but we should strive to be in the best health we can be in. So it's important to check in with the doctor regularly and watch those improvements, discuss what can be done when they're not going where we want them to.
I have lots of research to do. My parents both had heart disease. Both parents had a heart attack in front of me. Actually, both died in front of me, were brought back by paramedics, and then died later. That is nothing anyone should witness--it's something no one would ever want to happen to themselves. I do not want to do that to my son. My mom was 59 when she died. Dad was in his 80s, but it was still as traumatic.
So while smaller clothes and looking better are all still important, it doesn't hold a stick to health and what's going on inside our bodies that we can't see.
This isn't an easy journey at all. Takes perserverance and hard work. It gets frustrating at times. But, to continue working hard is of critical importance.
Today, I could have tried to work out. My pain was really bad, I was sitting with a heating pad. I could have taken Ibuprofen, and I could have attempted to work out. I chose not to. That was the wrong choice. I should have tried something. I could have done an upper body workout, but I didn't.
Tomorrow I'll do better. I simply must. I'm still not healthy. I'm still at great risk for stroke and/or heart attack. It pains me to say that, but the numbers do not lie.
Must keep going and give it 110%.
2.02.2010
No Pain, No Gain
Remember the scene in Mommie Dearest where Joan Crawford is meeting with the Pepsico board of directors after her husband died? They were blowing her off, sending her out the door. She had other plans.
Remember when she said, "Don't F*ck with me, Boys?" It made the hair on my neck stand up. Their feathers were ruffled, and they saw the light: Don't mess with Joan.
Well, fibroid, I have news for you: Don't mess with me. In true Joan style, I told my fibroid, "Don't f*ck with me."
Then I took 800 mg of Ibuprofin, waited a half hour, and damn it all, I worked out.
Did it hurt? Yes.
Did I lose a lot of energy, a lot of momentum with my pain-induced break? YES.
Am I going to get it back? HELL yes.
I've got my fight on.
~~~
I learned today that I do have a cyst which is pushing things around, but more importantly, the fibroid is rubbing and causing the pain. My right ovary is resting on my uterus instead of floating out there where it is supposed to be. I have a consultation with a gynecologist, and I am 99% sure I'll be having a hysterectomy.
A New Normal
This pain business will be my new normal. It won't be going away unless overnight I go into menopause. The fibroid is pushing, it's too big and in the way. So I will learn to deal with this new normal. I don't like it, but I can deal.
I'm not giving up my exercise. I have missed it tremendously. The workout I did today kicked my butt. I finished half the tape-but by golly, I did it. I was given the green light to work out, it's not going to hurt anything. The only hurt involved is the pain it causes me.
The mental hurt of not working out was worse than the physical hurt I've been enduring. So I'll take my Motrin, wait for it to kick in, then go to town.
No pain, no gain. And I want gain: all the wonderful things that my body receives from working out. Plus, if I'm heading for another surgery, I want to be as strong and healthy as I can be beforehand so the recovery will be better.
I'm not letting this stop me.
Remember when she said, "Don't F*ck with me, Boys?" It made the hair on my neck stand up. Their feathers were ruffled, and they saw the light: Don't mess with Joan.
Well, fibroid, I have news for you: Don't mess with me. In true Joan style, I told my fibroid, "Don't f*ck with me."
Then I took 800 mg of Ibuprofin, waited a half hour, and damn it all, I worked out.
Did it hurt? Yes.
Did I lose a lot of energy, a lot of momentum with my pain-induced break? YES.
Am I going to get it back? HELL yes.
I've got my fight on.
~~~
I learned today that I do have a cyst which is pushing things around, but more importantly, the fibroid is rubbing and causing the pain. My right ovary is resting on my uterus instead of floating out there where it is supposed to be. I have a consultation with a gynecologist, and I am 99% sure I'll be having a hysterectomy.
A New Normal
This pain business will be my new normal. It won't be going away unless overnight I go into menopause. The fibroid is pushing, it's too big and in the way. So I will learn to deal with this new normal. I don't like it, but I can deal.
I'm not giving up my exercise. I have missed it tremendously. The workout I did today kicked my butt. I finished half the tape-but by golly, I did it. I was given the green light to work out, it's not going to hurt anything. The only hurt involved is the pain it causes me.
The mental hurt of not working out was worse than the physical hurt I've been enduring. So I'll take my Motrin, wait for it to kick in, then go to town.
No pain, no gain. And I want gain: all the wonderful things that my body receives from working out. Plus, if I'm heading for another surgery, I want to be as strong and healthy as I can be beforehand so the recovery will be better.
I'm not letting this stop me.
2.01.2010
What a Morning, Ouch and Taking Action!
First off, down 1.5 pounds for a total of 65. Yay. 217.5. At the doctor's office with jeans on, I weighed 217. I like their scale better. lol
My son woke up sick, his bangs were sopping wet, he was feverish and miserable. I got him in to see the doc right before my appointment, and my sweet husband left work so he could take DS home. I'm overly cautious with DS this year with the H1N1, that's why I wanted him seen. He's fine, not flu, just a miserable virus that is going around.
They left and I explained the pain I've been having. I had an exam. There's just nothing ever fun about those, and when you're hurting and someone is pushing around on your hurt, ouch! Tomorrow I go for an ultrasound and blood work. The doctor thinks that it is probably one of my fibroids growing and pushing things around that is causing the pain. She mentioned The Big H--which is what I wanted this past summer. I almost cry at the prospect of another surgery and recovery, yet the relief from all this pain sounds wonderful.
And that's that. DS is on the love seat drifting in and out of sleep, and I am about to find the couch. I took 800mg of Ibuprofen when I got home and it is starting to dull the pain--never eliminates it, but makes it much better.
It was a chaotic and stressful morning. I'm very thankful for my wonderful husband, who offered to stay with DS during my appointment, and then met us at the office to take him home. He's a good dad and a good husband.
I have a little hope for relief now, and some of my worries are gone. They don't know what this is and won't have a better idea until after the ultrasound, but it makes sense.
One giant step forward.
My son woke up sick, his bangs were sopping wet, he was feverish and miserable. I got him in to see the doc right before my appointment, and my sweet husband left work so he could take DS home. I'm overly cautious with DS this year with the H1N1, that's why I wanted him seen. He's fine, not flu, just a miserable virus that is going around.
They left and I explained the pain I've been having. I had an exam. There's just nothing ever fun about those, and when you're hurting and someone is pushing around on your hurt, ouch! Tomorrow I go for an ultrasound and blood work. The doctor thinks that it is probably one of my fibroids growing and pushing things around that is causing the pain. She mentioned The Big H--which is what I wanted this past summer. I almost cry at the prospect of another surgery and recovery, yet the relief from all this pain sounds wonderful.
And that's that. DS is on the love seat drifting in and out of sleep, and I am about to find the couch. I took 800mg of Ibuprofen when I got home and it is starting to dull the pain--never eliminates it, but makes it much better.
It was a chaotic and stressful morning. I'm very thankful for my wonderful husband, who offered to stay with DS during my appointment, and then met us at the office to take him home. He's a good dad and a good husband.
I have a little hope for relief now, and some of my worries are gone. They don't know what this is and won't have a better idea until after the ultrasound, but it makes sense.
One giant step forward.
1.31.2010
Sunday Update: Still here but not kicking
I really don't like whining so much on the blog--it's so negative. I'll just be short and sweet: The pain is still with me, I haven't been able to exercise, and it's getting extremely frustrating. BTW, this is not like cramps--this pain is in one spot and ranges from dull ache, which I have now, to searing pain like someone is stabbing me with an ice pick and can double me over.
Enough of that. Doctor tomorrow.
Have remained on plan eating all week. Looking at a loss for tomorrow. (Hoping it's not lean tissue--I've worked too hard to lose my muscle!)
My puppy who is 1 now hopped in the bathtub, grabbed my razor and ate it. DS found the razor bits in the living room. Of course this happened late in the evening. We gathered up all the bits, re-constructed the razor, took a new razor blade apart so we could compare pieces. Thank Pip's lucky stars, only two tiny bits were missing and he's been fine. We don't have an emergency vet here, and our vet is an hour away. We ended up not calling due to our careful detective work. I'll be thankful when chewing stage is over. I did make it out of the house for groceries and to stock up well on chewies for the doggies. (Can't buy real bones here anymore!)
I ordered a bunch of used VHS tapes: Charlene Prickett. While I couldn't do them due to the pain, I've been watching and love what I see. Campy, old, but tough cardio workouts: hi-low and step, hour-long workouts, which are so hard to find now. I can't wait to get an okay to work out from my doctor tomorrow (thinking positive and hoping for the best there!) Charlene Prickett used to have a program called It Figures on Lifetime. Of course I never saw it. She's chatty, playful, tiny, older--she was 54 when she made some of these videos, and she could kick my all the way around the world and back. I love her style! So I will continue to embrace the campy workouts and enjoy. I'm also looking at buying two Tracey Staehle kickboxing videos. I have to pay bills first and see what's left over.
In spite of my physical complaints, we had a great school week. DS has finished his civics and science. He's now reading lots of Stephen Hawkings, Death by Black Hole -- books like that. I've built him up and we're going to start physics. He's a science kid and far surpasses my science knowledge, but at least I have the teacher's manual so can study the night before. lol He gets frustrated that I won't read books on quantum physics so I can discuss it with him. I have NO desire--but he's lucky in that he can discuss this with his father, and his father does teach him in an unschooling style. He is such a smart kid.
I am in a state of overwhelm and not focusing well. I am perpetually behind on blogs. Please forgive me. It really bothers me as I enjoy supporting my friends--but right now I'm just not in the state to do that. When spring hits, I'll be better. I'm actually behind on pretty much everything. I need a dose of energy! Yesterday I took three naps. It helped me tremendously. I think I'm worn out from the pain, and I've also had several anxiety attacks this past week. I think it's all hormones.
One really nice thing: The week before last when I was exercising two times a day, something amazing happened! I started getting sleepy and going to bed early (10:30) and getting up at 6, without an alarm, every morning. And it continued this week. That exercise has reset my circadian rhythm. Cheers to that, as I thought I'd forever be a night owl.
That's it from the peanut gallery.
Enough of that. Doctor tomorrow.
Have remained on plan eating all week. Looking at a loss for tomorrow. (Hoping it's not lean tissue--I've worked too hard to lose my muscle!)
My puppy who is 1 now hopped in the bathtub, grabbed my razor and ate it. DS found the razor bits in the living room. Of course this happened late in the evening. We gathered up all the bits, re-constructed the razor, took a new razor blade apart so we could compare pieces. Thank Pip's lucky stars, only two tiny bits were missing and he's been fine. We don't have an emergency vet here, and our vet is an hour away. We ended up not calling due to our careful detective work. I'll be thankful when chewing stage is over. I did make it out of the house for groceries and to stock up well on chewies for the doggies. (Can't buy real bones here anymore!)
I ordered a bunch of used VHS tapes: Charlene Prickett. While I couldn't do them due to the pain, I've been watching and love what I see. Campy, old, but tough cardio workouts: hi-low and step, hour-long workouts, which are so hard to find now. I can't wait to get an okay to work out from my doctor tomorrow (thinking positive and hoping for the best there!) Charlene Prickett used to have a program called It Figures on Lifetime. Of course I never saw it. She's chatty, playful, tiny, older--she was 54 when she made some of these videos, and she could kick my all the way around the world and back. I love her style! So I will continue to embrace the campy workouts and enjoy. I'm also looking at buying two Tracey Staehle kickboxing videos. I have to pay bills first and see what's left over.
In spite of my physical complaints, we had a great school week. DS has finished his civics and science. He's now reading lots of Stephen Hawkings, Death by Black Hole -- books like that. I've built him up and we're going to start physics. He's a science kid and far surpasses my science knowledge, but at least I have the teacher's manual so can study the night before. lol He gets frustrated that I won't read books on quantum physics so I can discuss it with him. I have NO desire--but he's lucky in that he can discuss this with his father, and his father does teach him in an unschooling style. He is such a smart kid.
I am in a state of overwhelm and not focusing well. I am perpetually behind on blogs. Please forgive me. It really bothers me as I enjoy supporting my friends--but right now I'm just not in the state to do that. When spring hits, I'll be better. I'm actually behind on pretty much everything. I need a dose of energy! Yesterday I took three naps. It helped me tremendously. I think I'm worn out from the pain, and I've also had several anxiety attacks this past week. I think it's all hormones.
One really nice thing: The week before last when I was exercising two times a day, something amazing happened! I started getting sleepy and going to bed early (10:30) and getting up at 6, without an alarm, every morning. And it continued this week. That exercise has reset my circadian rhythm. Cheers to that, as I thought I'd forever be a night owl.
That's it from the peanut gallery.
1.27.2010
Well, ???
I did work out today. I lasted 27 minutes and that pain started up almost immediately and got progressively worse until I *had* to stop. Extremely frustrating.
I don't quite understand what's been going on in my head. I must have something wrong--some kind of bug. I *love* to work out--seriously! So something is off.
Today I felt toxic, off--had a headache and just felt, well, unclean, if that makes any sense. The pain surprised me as I thought it was all gone.
I don't think I have the winter blues after all. I did yesterday but I was much more cheerful today--didn't have that sinking feeling. Time will tell.
Hormones--grrr. This all could be a bad case of hormones, which I'm not unfamiliar with. I don't like it.
I chose a light workout today, The Firm's Ballroom Aerobics. I will choose a light workout again tomorrow and see how I do. I'll just keep plugging away until I get my grove back.
That poor doctor is going to be bombarded by me when I see her next!
I don't quite understand what's been going on in my head. I must have something wrong--some kind of bug. I *love* to work out--seriously! So something is off.
Today I felt toxic, off--had a headache and just felt, well, unclean, if that makes any sense. The pain surprised me as I thought it was all gone.
I don't think I have the winter blues after all. I did yesterday but I was much more cheerful today--didn't have that sinking feeling. Time will tell.
Hormones--grrr. This all could be a bad case of hormones, which I'm not unfamiliar with. I don't like it.
I chose a light workout today, The Firm's Ballroom Aerobics. I will choose a light workout again tomorrow and see how I do. I'll just keep plugging away until I get my grove back.
That poor doctor is going to be bombarded by me when I see her next!
1.26.2010
Winter Blues
UGH. They have hit me. Today I was pain free but just felt drained and down. The sun was shining, but it was cold. I typically get the winter blues right after Christmas. I haven't had them this year--until today. And that may be just hormones still talking, I'm not quite sure.
I have not exercised since Friday. I cannot believe that! I feel it. I know it would help. Nothing inspired me today. I did do one Classical Stretch routine called the Spine and it felt soooooo good. I wore my HRM and burned 34 calories. lol It's great for flexibility, my back, aches and pains. I am very pleased with my Classical Stretch purchase. IF you have PBS, check the schedule as it airs here Mon, Wed and Fri mornings at 6am. It looks "old ladyish" but it's amazing.
Tomorrow: I'm looking at my list of videos and just not feeling any video love. I *must* work out. I did buy some used Charlene Prickett step videos this weekend and will be watching my mailbox for their arrival. Her workouts are an hour long, which I want and need. If you go to her website and look at the previews for her DVDs, you'll be shocked: she steps on a 10-inch step! I use 4 inches the first time I do a workout and then thereafter I use 6 inches. 10? Wow. She's amazing for a woman her age.
I think I need to get out of the house tomorrow. I think that will help me a bit. There's just no where to go--perhaps I could hit the two thrift stores in town and then visit Wal-Mart. We need more salad and cereal. lol Just getting out and breathing some freezing fresh air would do wonders.
The weather has been horrible. Schools were closed the last two days, wind blowing and howling, roads closed. I suppose that didn't help my mood, either.
If I could wave a magic wand and get these stupid hormones under control, life would be so much better.
On a bright note, I have not gone above calories even though I was in an eat mode. So I guess I'm learning to not eat my feelings, frustration, blues and pain. That's a good thing.
I have not exercised since Friday. I cannot believe that! I feel it. I know it would help. Nothing inspired me today. I did do one Classical Stretch routine called the Spine and it felt soooooo good. I wore my HRM and burned 34 calories. lol It's great for flexibility, my back, aches and pains. I am very pleased with my Classical Stretch purchase. IF you have PBS, check the schedule as it airs here Mon, Wed and Fri mornings at 6am. It looks "old ladyish" but it's amazing.
Tomorrow: I'm looking at my list of videos and just not feeling any video love. I *must* work out. I did buy some used Charlene Prickett step videos this weekend and will be watching my mailbox for their arrival. Her workouts are an hour long, which I want and need. If you go to her website and look at the previews for her DVDs, you'll be shocked: she steps on a 10-inch step! I use 4 inches the first time I do a workout and then thereafter I use 6 inches. 10? Wow. She's amazing for a woman her age.
I think I need to get out of the house tomorrow. I think that will help me a bit. There's just no where to go--perhaps I could hit the two thrift stores in town and then visit Wal-Mart. We need more salad and cereal. lol Just getting out and breathing some freezing fresh air would do wonders.
The weather has been horrible. Schools were closed the last two days, wind blowing and howling, roads closed. I suppose that didn't help my mood, either.
If I could wave a magic wand and get these stupid hormones under control, life would be so much better.
On a bright note, I have not gone above calories even though I was in an eat mode. So I guess I'm learning to not eat my feelings, frustration, blues and pain. That's a good thing.
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