TOPS: No Go

The other day I went to the TOPS meeting. I didn't go to the meeting, I went to the meeting place, the library. I was going to go in when I noticed someone I did not like go in. I don't like this person at all. This person has rubbed me the wrong way ever since I first met her. Her husband has been nasty to me and my son. (She's a neighbor.) I watched her march right in to the TOPS meeting.

I debated in my mind. Should I or shouldn't I? The answer was fast and clear. Nope. I have anxiety, and getting to the meeting was tough enough. I would never open up with this person present. I would be on guard and stressed the whole time. The only thing I would get from the meeting would be a stress headache and a need for a Xanax.

I look at it like this: It wasn't meant to be. In this journey, I am on a quest to be positive. I'm changing my stinking thinking. I'm really working hard on the physical and mental. I know to run fast from energy vampires, and very negative people.

I'm not trying to hide from the fact there are always going to be jerks in life. Obviously, jerks are everywhere. The situations I can control, though, I will.

I think perhaps there's something better out there for me. I don't need to go to physical meetings to get healthy. I have a great support system on the Internet with the blog, in online groups, etc. Perhaps my energy for joining groups is better spent with something I love: service, volunteering, history, etc.

I feel I made the right decision. I may check it out again in a few months, I may not. I am doing the right thing by trusting my judgment, though.