Falling in the Fall

I dread fall, because...

after fall comes winter and sub-zero temps
there's less light
it's cold
my joints ache
it's freezing
there's less going outside
it's damned cold

and my SAD hits me hard.

Last year I bought a light box and it helped tremendously. It's time to pull it out again and get it set up. About mid October every year a dark cloud starts lurking above me. It does not lift until the temps warm up in the spring.

I never had this when I lived in South Dakota, Colorado or Wyoming. It's a lot colder here for the duration of the season, and I swear there's less winter sunshine here.

I hate it. I really do. I was in a mood all day today and I know this is why. Plus, I was a little sad after being in a city with stuff to do with my son and coming home to nothing.

I do not like where I live. I hate it. There, I said it. Whenever I go somewhere, I always feel empty when I come home because it's back to nothing. UGH

I'm a city girl at heart. I've lived here 12 years now, the longest I've lived anywhere in my life. It's my least favorite town and house ever, we have awful neighbors, and as I mentioned, there's nothing to do.

I can't change where I live. So I deal. Thing is, I need to deal better. With the SAD, I'm hoping the exercise will help more this year. It is what it is. I have the choice to be grumpy or not. I don't have the choice to not have SAD.

I need to work on my choices. I read somewhere recently that thoughts are things, and I'm giving the boot to negative people and things, so why would I keep negative thoughts around? It's tough when you're in a negative mindset to give them the boot.

I'm going to work hard this week on my choices involving thoughts. I think they need some major tweaking. Especially because these negative thoughts make me want comfort food. I almost bought Weight Watchers brownies at the store tonight. Not that big of a deal, but I put them back on the shelf when I realized that I was looking for comfort rather than just an enjoyable brownie.

Choices. Count my blessings, see the positives because they are everywhere. Choices.